Intrinsic Motivation & Joy
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Watching the news from the States, I am appalled that there are so many who are blaming the financial crisis on those “greedy” teachers.
What?
Yeah, I’m sure it was the teachers, not Wall Street or big bank executives. Not the guys who are getting paid five to fifty times as much as teachers and don’t care one whit about the welfare of others. Not the guys who created a flawed system, then got bailed out and are continuing to perpetuate that system, no not them of course.
And you’re wondering what this little rant has to do with Motivation and Joy.
Very simply it is this. Those executives (for the most part) are driven by money and power. These are extrinsic motivators and virtually NEVER result in happiness.
Teachers, I think we can all agree, most likely don’t go into teaching for the money (I can’t speak for all of them, but, you get the point). They do it to help others, out of sense of meaning. This is an intrinsic motivator and generally leads to greater well-being and joy.
If more people understood that money and fame and power DOES NOT BRING happiness, then they might start to look at the things that do and change their perspectives on what is worth working toward and having in life.
In his book Drive Dan Pink talks about the three factors that lead to greater intrinsic motivation, which are:
- Autonomy – having a sense of volition over our choices
- Mastery – constant awareness and work toward bettering ourselves in a given area
- Purpose – having a higher meaning to what we do
He also talks about how when companies use money and other extrinsic rewards as motivators, they ALMOST ALWAYS have the opposite effect and are detrimental to performance and the company’s interests.
I have worked in and around some corporations before and I can remember the term ROI (return on investment) coming up a lot. Invariably, companies want a short ROI, a small time frame for anything they pay for to come to fruition.
This is what happens when you give extrinsic motivators, you get a short term burst in productivity, which invariably falls off over the long run, unless you give even MORE extrinsic motivators.
This is why the Big Band CEOs and execs need to be paid so much money. They don’t really like their work, deep down they know it is hurting the company and the larger world in the long run, but they overpower that knowledge with even more short term “motivation” in the form of money and lots of it, until they forget about such things.
Intrinsic motivation has a much longer ROI, but is pays of HUGE in productivity and positive effects on people and companies.
Teaching also has a long term ROI, as the kids that a teacher works with will hopefully take the lessons taught and apply them much later in life. I think (I can’t know because I’m not a teacher) that this knowledge that their actions help to create a new generation of productive members of society is one of the things that really motivates teachers. Not the money.
So you be the judge, is it teachers that are destroying the economy or bankers.
You only need to look at their motivation to know.
My apologies for the rant.
Keep laughing.
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Categories: Awareness, Choice, Happiness & Laughter, Motivation, Purpose
The Four ‘P’s
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A little while ago I did a post on the Life Mastery Wheel.
Since then I have done some rethinking of this concept and refined it down to what I call the four Ps, which are:
- Purpose
- Perspective
- Programming
- Persistence
All of these would still be on the foundation of laughter, joy, and social support, and would grow out of that.
The reason I changed it is because of the alliteration, which allows for a better mnemonic device. Here is a brief overview of what each ‘P’ represents.
Purpose
Grows naturally out of happiness, since I have always believed that one of the keys to happiness is knowing and loving yourself as well as knowing and living your purpose. Knowing yourself also includes uncovering your core values and beliefs, which are closely related to purpose.
Perspective
This encompasses the life mastery steps of Story and Choice. Perspective is how we see the world. It grows out of purpose because it stems from our beliefs, which was one of the elements we started uncovering there. This looks at those things even deeper and how to rewrite our story, and be aware of our choices so that we are living our lives our way, so we are the ones in control.
Programming
Once you are in control of your life, you can start to see where it is not working so well, what behaviours and habits work and what ones don’t. Programming is the process of changing our behaviours to ones that are positive and beneficial and will help to get us to where we want to be in life.
Persistence
Once you have yourself programmed for success, persistence should come easily, but it is a step none-the-less. It is the implementing of the Small Steps and continuously working toward Mastery that keeps us on track and guarantees that we will get to where we want to be in life.
One of the key elements that I think lives in ALL of these steps is awareness. In fact, I think if there is an ultimate first step it is to become AWARE of ourselves and use that awareness to start building joy, then purpose, then perspective, and so on. It occurs to me that I don’t think I’ve done a post on the basics of awareness. I’ll have to write that up soon.
So the four ‘P’s represent the same process as the life mastery wheel, but does it in a more compact and easy to remember formula.
I hope you readers out there are able to see the power (hey another ‘P’) in following these steps in your own life. It may not always be easy. I know it took me the better part of two years to find my true purpose, but I guarantee you that the results are worth the work.
And remember it’s all built on a foundation of laughter and joy, so it helps if you …
Keep laughing.
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Categories: Awareness, Choice, Happiness & Laughter, Personal Devleopment, Programming Yourself, Purpose, Values
Let’s Play
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I recently caught the end of a news article about a mom (in a big city) who left her 9 year old child on the other side of town after a shopping trip, and the kid found his way home by using subways and walking.
Now most people reading that probably think … What kind of mother is she?
Then answer is … the fun kind.
Why?
Because the kid ASKED if he could do it, and she agreed.
Now there were lots of parents out there who told her she was crazy and should have her kids taken from her, but think about it this way.
What if your kid ever does get lost, for whatever reason? Do they know how to find their way home? Do they have a little money on them to use for buses or subways, or a cellphone they can use to call someone?
These things do happen, and when they do, it is good to be prepared.
THAT is what this mother was thinking when she accepted this request from her son.
This forms a larger issue in today’s society of “protection” of children.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t keep our kids safe, I’m saying maybe (just maybe) we’ve gone a little too far in doing so.
Another part of the same article talked about how playgrounds are becoming more and more “safe”, with things to play on where there is very little risk of harm to kids.
I remember the old monkey bars and fireman’s pole and huge steel climbing structures where there was any number of places a kids could hurt themselves … and you know what WE DID!
AND we’re still alive today to talk about it.
The problem with making things “too safe” is that when these kids become young adults and get out into the real world, all of a sudden they are faced with a “dangerous” no-training-wheels life … and will they know what to do, or will they keep playing it safe and not get anywhere in their lives, afraid of a little bruise to their ego or scrape on their confidence.
The whole point of “PLAY” is to learn and grow and sometimes that means we play with sharp things and hurt ourselves or play on high things and fall and break a leg. This teaches us two things: one we can survive a little damage, and two, we can get back up again after we “fall” (or fail) and continue on.
So I say PLAY!
Scrape your knees, and elbows, and get a little dirty! The playground of LIFE is much less forgiving, so you might as well be as prepared as you can be.
And keep laughing.
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Categories: Action & Risk, Personal Devleopment, Play
Opportunity Knocks
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They say that luck is just being open to opportunity when it presents itself to you.
I say, that’s great, but opportunity doesn’t always come knocking. Sometimes you have to go and knock on opportunity’s door – and keep knocking long and loud until it opens for you.
Sometimes you get lucky. Some times you have to make your own luck.
I did a little of that yesterday.
For some time I’d been putting together an email list that I can use to reach contacts all at once for large notices I wanted to send out.
Also for some time I’ve had a few openings in my coaching practice and have been trying to get the word out that I wanted to do some sample sessions with people to see if there might be a good fit, or otherwise find those who are really into coaching.
I wanted to get ten names of people I could do sample sessions with, and with three weeks of working on it, I’d gotten one.
So, I sent an email to my new mailing list saying I was looking to do some sample sessions.
And I had six interested people within an hour, a total of eight by this morning.
Now, it’s not the ten I’d been looking for, but HOLY COW, eight people’s names in one day is not all that shabby either.
So what’s my point in all this?
Well it’s this. Sometimes you have to go outside your comfort zone and risk a little in order to move forward.
What was the risk I took?
Using this mailing list. I was afraid of what people might say getting a “mass mailing” from me. But of the over 200 people on the list I had only one who said, please take me off this list.
AND
I got eight possible sample sessions (so far) out of it.
I’d say the payoff what worth the risk.
Yet my heart was still pounding like a drum as my finger hovered, poised over that “send” command.
Now I know it was worth it, but when it comes to risks, you really never know.
This could have completely backfired.
BUT it didn’t and that’s just the way risks work.
So the next time you’re tempted to “avoid” doing something because it feels just that little bit too terrifying …
Remember that it is better to have risked and failed than never to have risked at all.
Keep laughing …
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Categories: Action & Risk, Personal Devleopment
The Awareness Key
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This is a continuation of my set of posts on programming yourself.
Awareness of yourself and your actions/behaviours/perspectives/etc is always useful, but when it comes to CHANGING an old or bad habit, it is really all you need.
How does this work.
Well let me tell you a little story.
When I was in my early teen years I used to say “like” a lot (“It’s like, you know, like when you like talk and use a work like, you know any word like over and over again”)
Well apparently my one sister found it very annoying (and I don’t blame her) so every time she heard me say the word “like”, she started saying the word “hate”.
This started to make me aware of how much I was saying it and eventually I stopped saying it quite so much (“I still do it a little, like every now and then”).
When I was doing my research on programming yourself this whole story popped into my mind because I realize that with my sisters help I had UN-programed and bad habit.
So it got me thinking as to HOW we had done it and it’s really very simple.
It was solely a function of awareness.
When she started saying “hate” every time I said “like” it made me super-aware of how much I was saying it (I was also really annoyed with her at the time – though eventually that annoyance shift to me as I realized how much I used the word).
As a result of that awareness I began to use the word less and less.
The process goes something like this:
- You become initially aware of a bad habit (whether by someone else telling you or your own discovery) and decide you want to do something about it.
- You decide whether you want to STOP the habit or CHANGE it to something else (if so what – and be very specific).
- You build awareness of the behaviour or habit to an extreme degree. Once you are Super-Aware you can start to implement the stop/change.
- Initially you will only catch yourself AFTER it’s happened. This is fine, but immediately tell yourself “NO I want to stop this” or you immediately do the new habit you want in it’s place.
- Eventually you will catch yourself AS it happens and you can cut it off in the middle (if you’re stopping it) or immediately do the replacement habit.
- Finally you’ll start catching yourself BEFORE it happens and you can NOT do it or do the replacement habit in it’s place.
Even once you’ve gone through this series of steps of becoming aware and catching yourself After/During/Before you may still find this habit pops up every now and then. Just notice it when it does and again either remind yourself you want to stop this, or do the new replacement habit.
Programming is “long-haul”, life-time sort of thing so this process may take a little while (usually a few months), but if you are willing to put in the time – it is possible to stop or change habit you no longer want.
A CAVEAT – I have never tried this with ADDICTIVE habits like smoking (etc). I do not know if it would work as well in that case. I do know a great hypnotherapist however, that can and does help with that sort of thing.
Until the next time, keep laughing – maybe it will become a habit, you never know.
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Categories: Awareness, Choice, Programming Yourself
How to Get Things Done – Part 3
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So far we have talked about, the difference between motivaiton, inspiration, and programming as well as the first two steps of programming yourself: start with a feeling and rewrite your story.
The next step in programming yourself is:
3) Repetition, Repetition, Repetition
This is the core, the heart of programming a new habit in your life. In the last step I talked about saying your new words or phrases fifty times several times a day. This is “programming” these new phrases into your subconscious. But it works the same way with behaviours.
They say that if you do something for 90 days, you’ll form a new habit.
It’s true.
But the real truth is simply that the more you repeat the action, the easier it becomes, the more ingrained in your subconscious, and eventually it becomes a habit.
Let me give you and example of trying to do this WITHOUT the first two steps in place.
At the beginning of last year I decided I was going to Blog every morning for 90 days to make it a habit.
I did it, but by the end I was so SICK of it I gave it up entirely on day 91. It took me a while to come back to it, but here I am.
What I didn’t realize back then was the need for rewriting my story first. I did start with a feeling but, as they do, it quickly faded. Without that story, that reassuring self-messaging that this was a great thing to do and would really help me in the long run, by day 50 I was feeling used up and like I had nothing to say. By day 90 I was completely fed up and HATED blogging.
BUT …
When I decided later in the summer and early fall I was going to get back to blogging – you know what happened?
It was really easy!
At this point I had gotten my story straight and understood that I may not blog every day, only when I had something important to say.
And when I sat down at the computer it was really easy to rattle off my message.
WHY?
Because I had repeated the: sit, type, blog so much earlier that year that now, when I had something meaningful to say, that habit jumped back up and said, I know what to do and took over.
So, repetition does work (but if you don’t have the other two steps in place it may be as effective as it could be).
4) Do It When It’s Not Imperative
When I was researching how to program yourself, learning this was one of those “Of Course” moments.
Let me give you an example:
You want to start getting up the instant you alarm goes off, no more snooze, no more sleeping in, the day is too precious to waste, etc.
How do most people go about doing this.
- Make promise to self to do it.
- Set alarm
- Get up OK for 1 or a few days.
- The first time you stay up too late or it’s too cold outside the bed – you STOP.
The reason is that you are trying to program a new behaviour AS YOU DO IT, which is REALLY REALLY HARD!
The easier way, which makes a lot of sense when you think about it, but which doesn’t occur to most of us, is to practice the behaviour when it’s not imperative that we do it.
When we learned to walk and find our balance, did our parents have us do it at the edge of a cliff or on a balance beam?
When we were learning to drive, did we go out onto the highway with no assistance first thing?
NO, of course not.
We PRACTICED these things in relatively safe environments, during a time when it wasn’t imperative that we know these skills.
So to learn to get up with your alarm, here’s how you do it.
- Find a time in the day when you have a half hour or so (ideally every day to get in as much repetition as possible)
- Make your bedroom as close to the conditions it would be in when you get up (dark, quite, etc)
- Get yourself into the same condition you’d be in (in pajamas or whatever you sleep in)
- Get the “area” ready. If you want to get up and have a shower right away, or go jogging, or work out, or write your blog, make sure that whatever you would usually grab (housecoat, jogging clothes, etc) is nearby.
- set your alarm for a minute into the future.
- Get into bed and wait.
- When alarm goes off, stop it right away, get up, get into housecoat or jogging clothes or head to shower or computer, whatever.
- Reset everything and start again.
- Do this as many times as you can in the time you have.
Can you see how this practice during a time when it is not imperative is actually training your body and mind to INSTANTLY react to the stimulus of the alarm without you having to debate whether you WANT to get up or not.
This may take a few days or weeks of daily practice before you are constantly getting up with your alarm, and in that time, if you don’t get up one day right away, don’t sweat it. Eventually your body will do it all on it’s own and you’ll be fine.
The key to programming is to do it so much that it becomes subconscious and you don’t have to think about it.
If you follow this process you can start to program your own habits and change your life.
Next time I’ll talk about the Awareness Key – which is the way to break or replace old habits.
Until then keep laughing!
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Categories: Action & Risk, Choice, Motivation, Programming Yourself
How to Get Things Done – Part Two
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Last time I talked about motivation, inspiration, and programming, and the differences between them.
I maintain that programming yourself is the only real way to get things done, since motivation is often fleeting and inspiration is not action.
So, how do you program yourself?
1) Start with a feeling
Here is where the motivation and inspiration come into play.
Start with a feeling, or emotion, or thought, or value, or belief, or even (if you know it) your purpose in life. Make sure that whatever you are starting with it is a STRONG emotion and has pull to begin with.
Example: Your doctor has told you you are over-weight and need to lose at least 30 pounds. You have known subconsciously for some time that you may have been a little on the heavy side (perhaps there is some guilt/fear/shame attached to this). You decide firmly that you are going to not only lose this weight but get yourself into shape and be “fit”. You feel strongly that this will be good for you and anticipate your future state of health. You now have a strong (positive) emotion and feeling attached to this, perhaps there is a value of health this is related to also.
NOTE – using a strong NEGATIVE emotion is not recommended, as goals that we set to “move away” from something tend not to be as motivating as “approach” goals, working toward something. So doing this because you’d feel guilty if you don’t is not a strong motivator for the long run and will probably get you down if you start to “back slide”.
Whatever the Feeling (or value / etc) the key is: Does it feel right for you?
Make sure this is something that will keep you going INITIALLY, it doesn’t need to last forever, but it needs to be strong enough and “right” enough to get you to the next stage, which is …
2) Re-write Your Story
Now it’s possible that you have already done this. If you are doing a whole life make over I recommend following the four Ps (which I’ll talk more about in another post) which are: Purpose, Perspective, Programming, Persistence. Usually I would recommend working on your “story” in the perspective stage, before you actually get to programming, but even if you have done this, there is still a little more work you need to do here.
In my post on The Power of Self Suggestion (and it’s follow ups) I talk about how the words I was using and repeating to myself over and over again were seriously affecting how I was living.
THIS is what it means to change or rewrite your story. Some call it affirmations or other such things, but essentially it comes down to this. The words you say to yourself regularly, SERIOUSLY affect what you get in life.
Example: So you are going to lose the 30 pounds and get fit, and yet, there is that nagging voice in your head that keeps saying: “your fat” or “why even try, no diets actually work” or “this is a waste of time, you could be …” or any number of other negative things. IF these are the words and phrases that you CHOOSE to keep in your head, chances are you won’t get far. You need new phrases, new words like: “I am working toward being a happy healthy person” or “I can change my life any way I want” or “I am beautiful” etc.
NOTE: you have to BELIEVE these new words, which is why I used phrases like “in the process of” or “working toward”. Simply saying I am thin and fit, isn’t enough IF you don’t believe it, if you don’t completely think it’s true. So use the right words to make sure you believe what you are saying and they affirm who you are and your belief in what you are trying to do.
Once you have your new words, say them often and repeatedly. I suggest saying them AT LEAST 50 times in the morning, then if you are really wanting to ingrain these words fast, another 50 times at lunch and again at dinner and again before bed.
I suggest reading the posts on The Power of Self Suggestion and the ones that followed so you can see how this affected me and what I did about it.
There is MORE!
But I’ve run out of space for today, so I’ll post again soon with the remainder of the steps on how to program yourself and get things done.
Until then – keep laughing.
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Categories: Action & Risk, Choice, Feelings, Happiness & Laughter, Motivation, Personal Devleopment, Programming Yourself, Purpose, Values
How to Get Things Done
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For quite some time now, I have held the belief that:
There is no such thing as “motivation” there is only what you do and what you want to do but don’t.
To get things straight, lets start with some definitions (thank you Dictionary.com):
Motivate: to provide with a motive or motives; incite; impel.
Inspire: to fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence OR to fill or affect with a specified feeling, thought, etc. OR to influence or impel.
Program: to cause to absorb or incorporate automatic responses, attitudes, or the like; condition.
When people tend to use the word motivation they are referring to finding something (usually within themselves) to impel them into action toward a particular goal. “this book really motivated me to…” or “I need to find the motivation to work”.
Sometimes this sort of thing is there. Sometimes we can find the “motivation” to do what we need to do, whether it was in us or an outside source.
But rarely can we find something that “motivates” us all the time.
I call myself an inspirational speaker, NOT a motivational speaker for one simple reason: what I say may very well inspire (fill people with an emotional influence) but there is no guarantee that I will incite action from them.
The reason for this is simple: Only they can act and decide WHEN then feel like acting.
Let me give you an example:
I like to write, and often when I see a really good movie or read a really good book, I come away FILLED WITH AN EMOTIONAL FEELING do write something just as dynamic, but only rarely do I ever actually DO it. I am inspired but not truly motivated.
This is why I say that there is what we do and what we want to do but don’t.
There are lots of times we say to ourselves “I really want to do that” or “I really need to do that” but we don’t. There are lots of things that we know might be good for us to do, that we don’t do. Instead we continue to do things that may or may be good for us because that is what we have programmed ourselves to do.
So here is where we get to the good stuff. Programming, mental conditioning, self-suggestion, etc.
In the negative it might be referred to as brain washing or social programming or indoctrination. These refer to when an OUTSIDE force is the one doing the programming.
BUT when it is you who is programming yourself, instilling new behaviours and getting rid of bad habits, this can be very beneficial.
And honestly, this is the only real way to “get things done” over the long term. Programming yourself to do it.
Motivation may or may not be there and definitely won’t last long term. Inspiration may give you a bit of an emotional boost but can’t make you really do anything, it is only by programming yourself for action that you will get done what you want to get done and be the most productive.
As the definition implies, programing is about “absorbing” (ie making a habit) of a specific “response or attitude” (ie behaviour) so that you never have to think about doing it, you just do it.
We all know how to walk, because as a toddler we learned the right movements and ingrained them into our synapses, making it a habit, something we don’t think about. Walking is a programmed behaviour at the most basic level.
Have you ever been driving along and realize suddenly that you were lost in thought for the last three minutes and don’t really have any recollection of driving! You didn’t get into an accident and you’re still on course – why? because driving is programmed into us, especially routes we take A LOT. This is probably why most accidents happen close to home – we are so used to driving in that area and are driving on “auto” and something unexpected happens and BANG!
I’m running a little high on my word count at the moment so I’ll continue this in my next post. I really want to get to HOW to program yourself so you can start being aware of your own programs and breaking them or making new ones as you need to.
Until then, keep laughing – maybe we can program some of that too!
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Categories: Action & Risk, Awareness, Choice, Motivation, Personal Devleopment, Programming Yourself
The Benefits of Single-Tasking
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I’m still putting together some thoughts on some of the other posts I want to do, so I thought I’d do this in the mean-time.
Today’s society is all about getting more done in less time. It has created a new word which springs from what is expected of most people in today’s working world:
Multitasking.
I am here today to tell you why multitasking (for the most part) doesn’t work.
It’s a great concept … in theory – work on several tasks at the same time so they they all get done sooner!
But if you reword that definition just a little to: splitting your focus and attention and concentration so that no one task is really getting the focus or work it needs.
You can see where this starts to fall apart.
I’ve believed this for quite some time, but it was brought to mind again a few days ago when someone mentioned “today I am multi-procrastinating”. It was a funny little thought and jogged my memory on this.
It reminded me of The Power of Story, by Jim Loehr where he says: “multitasking is the enemy of extraordinariness”.
He talks about a CEO who came to realize that he and many others in his company were only really getting mediocre work done … because they were multitasking.
So what he did was at the beginning of every day identify 3 things he wanted to get finished that day (never more than 3) and found that now at the end of the day he was actually getting things done, and done well. Why? because he wasn’t splitting his focus, but instead taking the time to focus on what he was doing and doing it well.
Interestingly he found that he actually accomplished MORE and at a higher level of quality, because he was investing his full energy into the single task he was doing.
When you Focus in and Single-task you can get that task done quicker and better, THEN move on to the next task for the day.
The problem is that our business culture, for the most part, DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THIS.
I talk to people all the time who are saying they run from meeting to meeting, where they talk a lot about projects, but they have very little time in the day to actually DO their work!
It’s a hard concept to grasp, but we actually need to slow down to get more done.
I think if we all took the time to laugh a little in the mornings and did a lot of single-tasking at work, we’d actually be much more productive and effective in the work place.
Now all I need to do is convince a two hundred year old corporate machine that I’m right.
Wish me luck.
And keep laughing …
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Categories: Awareness, Career, Motivation, Personal Devleopment, Stress
The How of Happiness – Summary
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Thank you for taking this little trip with me through the 5 “HOWS” and the 12 happiness boosting activities in “The How of Happiness” by Sonja Lyubomirsky.
I wanted to end with some summary notes from my perspective.
#1 – An acknowledgment to Sonja Lyubomirsky, for doing her research and writing this book. I have found it an amazing resource and it was really the thing that got be on to Happiness Coaching.
#2 – Remember that not all of these activities may fit all people and you need to choose what will work best for you.
#3 – Happiness is worth taking the time to work toward. It will bring, not only greater joy and zest to life, but also increased productivity, health, and improved relationships.
#4 – Persistence, as always, is key. You have to stick with it for the long run to continue to benefit from these activities. If you give up after a few weeks because you’re not happier yet, you are selling yourself short. Keep it up, and soon the benefits will come in and also the activity will get easier. Remember what we learned from “Galaxy Quest” – Never give up, never surrender!
Finally, I’ll put my offer out there. If you stumble at any point along the way, if you need some inspiration or assistance, or if you just want someone to talk to about happiness, that’s what I am here for as a coach. I would love to hear from you and talk about happiness and your journey. So feel free to contact me any time.
I’ll end by saying that this journey, going through this book again, was enlightening for me too. Through this I’ve managed to discover some new things about myself and my business, that I think are really cool. I’ll be posting more about this soon, as well as some of the topics that I realized I needed to talk more about during this review.
Until then, keep laughing, and have a great life!
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Categories: Happiness & Laughter, Personal Devleopment, The How of Happiness